His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You need Xanax blowdarts
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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