is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
