i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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