Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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