think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
