would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
PANTIES FOUND
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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