I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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