wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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