I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
now i know why i became what i already was.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
