You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
