also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
