Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
