i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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