you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
No subtext here. People are naked.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
