I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
