They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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