oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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