We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
