Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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