just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
