Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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