I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
