I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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