White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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