why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
