We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
