batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
