Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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