yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
