The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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