Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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