Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
