like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
