Heybabeimwearingurpanties
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
