Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
