It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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