I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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