Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
