I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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