Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
