I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize