Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
