Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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