So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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