I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
