we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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