My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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