i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
