Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
