Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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