last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
