I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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