I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
