just come out here and I will go home with you...
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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