its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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