It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
