Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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