So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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