All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
