While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize