Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
