thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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