god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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