Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
