break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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