Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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