Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
