Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
