I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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