we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
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