My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
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