i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
