before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
