I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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