forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
