you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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