i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
